Merovingian Guide to Power Consolidation by Clovis (morpheussleeps) wrote in screenplayery,
Merovingian Guide to Power Consolidation by Clovis

Some help?

Let's say I'm putting together a portfolio and that I have only ten pages to work with. Out of all the screenplays I've written, I'm trying to decide what would be best to include. The following would take up about seven pages (I would either write three more pages, include three pages from another script or take up the rest of the pages with photographs), do you think it's good work or should I turn to other material? I want people's opinions here!

(BTW: working title is Lives at Masada.)

               FADE IN:

               EXT. SPACE-MILKY WAY-

               We take in the galaxy in its full immensity and majesty.

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         If you were to take the space/time

               We rush forward, everything blurring.

               EXT. SPACE-SOLAR SYSTEM-

               We come to rest in our solar system.

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         And place yourself in any given

               We are suddenly jerked forward, towards Earth at an
               accelerated rate.

               EXT. SPACE-EARTH-

               Earth calmly rotates, carrying on with its orbit.

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         You would still be insignificant.
                         Better yet, nothing...

               We rush through the atmosphere, in the direction of America,
               eventually correcting the trajectory so that we're coming
               down in New York.

               EXT. NEW YORK-DAY

               The streets are packed, it looks to be lunch hour. We
               continue descending.


               We come to rest in a street facing a grey multi-storied
               building. There is construction happening at different stages
               on lots to both sides of the building.
               A massive explosion instantaneously blows out every floor in
               the building except for the bottom two. As the debris is
               still rising into the sky like confetti at a giant's party,
               everything freezes.

                                   HAROLD (V.O.)
                         I'm a speck in the midst of all of
                         the other specks. Can you see me?
                         Better yet, can you see how a
                         thirty-two year old man who spends
                         too much money on sexual enhancers
                         and lives in one of the greatest
                         cities in the world went from...


               HAROLD'S MOTHER has her legs open and she alternates between
               gasping for air and screaming in pain as a tiny BABY HAROLD
               comes out from between her legs, covered in the juices of

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)


               The frozen debris still suspends itself in the air, like a
               giant mobile built for all of New York to see and wonder at.

                                   HAROLD (V.O.)
                         To here? Still can't see me? Okay,
                         we'll pretend it's football...

               A white line, zig-zagging through the debris appears, mapping
               a course towards one of the apartments, it stops in front of
               a tiny-from-this-distance HAROLD KEELY, as if he were just
               born, flying out of his apartment like superman. An arrowhead
               appears on the line, pointing him out. We can barely see him,
               he's just a speck.

                                   HAROLD (V.O.)
                         May as well get in closer, you're
                         going to have to get to not know me

               We rush forward, taking the course through the debris that's
               been mapped out to us by the arrow. We pass through a
               miniature asteroid belt of floating rubble as we approach


               As we enter the vicinity of Harold's apartment, we pass half
               an animal, frozen in mid-air; a dog.

                                   HAROLD (V.O.)
                         Please, don't mind the dog. The
                         problem with animals is that
                         they're not human. As humans we
                         have expectations of one another.
                         What are you?

               We come to rest on HAROLD, aged thirty-two, plastic, oval
               glasses on a square face -an average man. He's flying through
               the air, superman style, holding a penis pump in his hand.

                                   HAROLD (V.O.)
                         A doctor. A businessman. A
                         repairman. A lawyer. You can be a
                         lot of things as long as you're
                         some thing. Dogs are just dogs.
                         They have no ambition and as such,
                         animals we call pets are the number
                         one welfare recipients in the
                         world. They should be looked down
                         upon... I'm sorry, my mind wanders.
                         I think it all went wrong for me
                         when my father was on vacation in
                         Petropolis in Brazil.

               EXT. PETROPOLIS, BRAZIL, 1972-RANCH-DAY

               HAROLD'S FATHER stands next to a horse, smiling at the
               camera. The horse throws out its hoof and connects with his
               crotch. He lurches forward, face contorting in pain. The
               footage freezes.

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         That was probably the single most
                         important event of my pre-life.


               HAROLD'S FATHER and HAROLD'S MOTHER have sex on a field next
               to a camp fire. There are large white boulders behind them.
               As they have sex, the shadows the fire cast on the boulders
               continually split apart and become one again.

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         That night, what should have been
                         an abortion, was conceived.

                                                       FADE TO BLACK:

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         And please, don't get me started, I
                         know people hate narration. They
                         just hate it! A lot of experts
                         consider it a crutch. Just hang in
                         there, I'm trying to give you those
                         moments of my life that actually
                         meant something in Cliff's Notes
                         form. Consider this the prologue. I
                         promise that after this, I won't be
                         so full of myself as to comment on
                         my own existence.


               Everything's still frozen. We move in close to Harold's plain

                                   HAROLD (V.O.)
                         Look at that. Could there have been
                         a crueler joke? Could I be more
                         Joe? And, of course, the particular
                         blow that tops it all off -note the
                         hint of the prominent cheek bones.
                         It's as if God was about to do
                         something kind of exotic, but
                         decided to run to McDonald's real
                         quick before finishing. McDonald's
                         I have an interesting story about
                         that but I'll save it for later.
                         Why do I point this out? Because it
                         has to do with sex, like everything
                         has to do with sex.


               YOUNG HAROLD, now at twelve, sits quietly behind YOUNG
               SANDRA, a pretty twelve year old. An OLDER WOMAN speaks to
               the kids from the front of the class.

                                   HAROLD (V.O.)
                         My first sexual encounter was at
                         the age of twelve at Sunday school.
                         When she sat in front of me, all I
                         could do was stare at her ass and
                         think about her sitting on me.
                         Sandra is my best friend to this
                         day and she's a devil of a woman.

               INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT

               SANDRA MOBILE, thirty-two, attractive with short red hair, is
               having sex, doggy style on a bed. We can only see her back
               and the giant tattoo of a pentagram on it, as she lurches
               back and forth.

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         Literally, she became a Satanist.


               Harold peeks into a room through the glass panelling in the
               door. After a few seconds, he runs and hides around the
               corner. A MAN exits the room and as Sandra comes out, wiping
               her mouth, Harold walks up and stops in front of her. She
               looks at him, nods and they walk back in, closing the door.

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         Part of the deal was that I didn't
                         tell anyone that she was blowing
                         the minister. Man, those were the
                         days of wine and roses -blow jobs
                         haven't been that good since.

               INT. BETH'S BEDROOM-NIGHT

               HAROLD, age eighteen, is humping away on BETH, a pretty
               eighteen year old. Beth lies quietly, eyes open wide, staring
               at him expressionless.

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         I couldn't get her off. It was my
                         fault she couldn't achieve critical


               HAROLD, twenty-six, sits naked in a chair facing the bed. On
               the bed sits JENNIFER, twenty-two, naked and waiting.

                         I'm sorry.

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         At the age of twenty-six, I was
                         already suffering from penile
                         dysfunction. It was my fault I
                         couldn't get it up. At that moment
                         I did what any sane man would do...

               Harold gets up and punches Jennifer, she falls over from the

                                   HAROLD (O.S.)
                         I punched the bitch and blamed her
                         for it.


               We're close on Harold, flying superman, penis pump and all.

                                   HAROLD (V.O.)
                         Those were the most formative
                         events of my life. It's sad, the
                         most important things in your life
                         and you can package them for mass
                         consumption in six minutes.


               Harold is a tiny speck, frozen in the distance.

                                   HAROLD (V.O.)
                         Anyway, you're probably anxious to
                         get on with the show. Don't let my
                         living keep you from it. Just know
                         this, my story ends here. There
                         will be no revelations after this,
                         just ash and smoke. My story starts
                         at its end. All my dreams used the
                         device of the Finnegan's Wake, it's
                         only fitting that my life would
                         work out in this manner.

               Everything comes to life, the final bellows of the explosion
               roars through the spaces of the street, the debris comes
               down, smashing cars and slamming into other buildings like
               fragmented hammers of God's fury.
               The force of the explosion rocks the frame on one of the
               constructions sites, causing it to partially collapse.

Thanks in advance.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic